Apathy Jack writes:
So there I am a few days ago, talking to some Year 10s about various things, when the five foot tall blue belt decides to show me her trick of spinning her key chain dangerously close to me.
"Have I mentioned," I ask "that I am practically immortal, and therefore completely impervious to harm?"
There is a thud and a clink as the keys sharply connect with my arm. I don't flinch.
"Immortal." I re-iterate.
She moves off in defeat.
"I've been teaching at this school for five years: If that hasn't killed me, I doubt that you miniature humans have much of a chance."
She freezes, turns around, and storms back.
"Uh-oh," calls one of the boys from their perch. "You called her short. She hates that."
She stands there and shoots me a glare that, had I been lying about that whole "immortality" business, may have been sharp enough to kill me.
"Hey, I'm not saying that you're not necessarily dangerous. Look at our deputy head girl: Four foot tall, but could brutalise anyone on this school."
"Trying to climb out of the hole you've dug, Mister?" one of the boys asks.
"No, no, I'm not saying she's not miniature." I turn back to her. "You are very short. So very short."
"So you're digging deeper?" comes from the boys, as the girl makes a subtle move to attack stance.
"I ain't climbing or digging, I'm just saying it is what it is: Height has nothing to do with capacity. Short people are more than capable of being dangerous."
The girl's eye narrow in suspicion. "Was that an apology?"
"Well, more of an elucidation than an apology..."
A moment of thought, then her muscles unclench, she shrugs, and walks back to her friends.
There's no real punchline to this one, I just liking making fun of midgets. Also, how many stunted ninjas have have sliced you up with whirling key chains this week? (Actually, I tell an inaccuracy for the sake of a pithy line: The puncture marks in my arm aren't from her keys, but rather from the scissors she took to me with the following day, but that's a whole other story...)