Friday, January 13, 2006

Books you should be reading #7 of A Bunch

Apathy Jack writes:

The Pirates! In an adventure with whaling, by Gideon Defoe

‘You have to remember that this is no ordinary whale,’ he said authoritatively. ‘It’s a white whale. And whales aren’t normally white, are they? So it makes sense to suppose that it turned white by eating albinos. We’ll start off by dangling the albino pirate over the side of the boat for a few days. ‘
The albino pirate seemed a little nonplussed by this idea. The other pirates cheered and slapped him on the back.
‘I don’t know what the rest of you are looking so smug about,’ said the Pirate Captain. ‘Just in case my albino theory is wrong – because believe it or not, I am wrong very occasionally – I want to see you lot swimming behind the boat, disguised as krill. Gigantic, fat, delicious krill. That’s sure to whet his appetite.’
The crew let out a collective groan that the Captain cut dead with his best withering look.
‘Pirate Captain?’ the pirate in red asked again. ‘Is it really necessary for your plans to always involve us dressing up as something? Because some might say it boarders on an unhealthy obsession.’
‘Last time I checked, krill are tiny bioluminescent shrimp-like organisms that don’t give backchat,’ said the Pirate Captain with a sniff and a glower.

(Also, Defoe is the author of the absolutely brilliant “How Animals Have Sex”, which I unreservedly recommend that you pick up on your next trip to your local book repository.)