Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Hitlog Follies: I Promised You a Line Graph, Fuckers

Josh writes:

The results are in. After long hours of painstaking research, poring over hitlogs and occasionally making shit up to suit my purposes, the survey of hits on our site for pictures of men's penises is complete (that is to say, I got bored). Starting from the time of Jellybean's post that first contained the phrase, I have diligently calculated their frequency over time, using the tried and tested "counting them" method. The results are presented below:

As we can clearly see, the incidence of searches for depictions of throbbing appendages rises and falls in direct correspondence with global events, indicating that people are less concerned with images of huge glistening members in times of crisis. Nevertheless, the people of the Internet have spoken, and once again the cry has gone out in a single voice: We want cock.

Who are we at Brain Stab to argue? We'll be posting numerous pictures of men's penises, just as soon as we find out what one looks like (obviously, we have spent our entire lives wrapped in neoprene for the sake of Purity, and aren't even sure what penises are).

Of course, this data by itself may not be providing the full picture. What to make, for instance, of that fact that September 27 saw not only a record number of genital searchers, but also a hit for mouth full of cock mpeg? Or the early October rise in dog abuse searches (prompted by Jack's post of September 12)?

At any rate, this much is certain: reading this post stole part of your life and you're not getting it back. You were going to waste it anyway.

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