Saturday, March 05, 2005

Sundry reasons I gave up trying to write fiction, and became a blogger...

Apathy Jack writes:

This is a piece of dialogue inspired by Josh that I couldn’t find a story to go with...

“I can’t believe you’re going through with this,” Andy said to Roy. “You’d have to be mad, excommunicated and pregnant with lizards to even contemplate such an idea!”

“I’m not pregnant with lizards,” Roy said a little too quickly.


Dialogue from a story about teaching that I’m still going to write one day dammit...


“I won’t give you a lecture.”
“Great! Seeya!”
“Wait! Hold on! This is one of those ‘I won’t give you a lecture BUT’ lectures.”
“Oh.”
“Righto. Now, I won’t give you a lecture, but...”


Title without a story...

Christmas in Porn City

I'll never write this because, hell, I have nothing but a title, and a vague notion of a heartwarming true-meaning-of-Christmas story set in a city where every single inhabitant is somehow connected to the adult entertainment industry.

I do think it would be fun to sit down and give some brain-time to the societal structure of such a city. Really, I think all the big stuff would stay the same. It would be the little differences that would be surprising...


Blurb from a story I know I could never pull off...

A normal, ordinary young man heads out for a night on the town. Everything goes according to plan until he is drawn into a web of intrigue and conspiracy by the missing Manic Street Preacher, the world's second greatest stuntman, the AWOL avatar of female sexual freedom, and a gimp of few words.


And finally...

“You’re a chronic drinker.”
“Nonsense!” He exclaimed, putting down one of his beers to gesticulate angrily as he took a swig from the other. “That’s ridiculous!”

3 comments:

Josh said...

Pshaw - a couple of respectable punch lines like those is all you need. Bolt a paragraph or a few lines of dialogue onto the front of them and you're away laughing. That's where this crap came from -- working backwards from the punch line (and, when I was feeling particularly fancy, having a first and a last line and filling in the middle).

Quiet said...

I would agree with the Joshinator here. Just give Robert Rankin a read and you'll find his books consist of 1 part running gag, 2 parts surrealism, and 1 part techno-fear.

dreamer said...

Just continue to build a base of followers, who will praise your every word. That way, they don't actually have to be coherent in structure, or even make any sense. Heck, it works for art.