Atheism as religion. I know, I know, its an old saw-horse this ‘un, a twaddly bit of humbuggering and huffing from the tweed types with ingrown armchairs and pipe tobacco for hair, but I saw a description recently that atheism was simply a religion wit a different number of gods and that pisses me off. That’s like saying everyone’s a golfer, just with a different number of clubs. Why the fuck do I have to be lumped into the group that includes some pompom-sporting houndstooth cunt in a cart whacking an inoffensive cueball hither thither and yon? Fuck that.
But, let’s be fair: If we consider being a theist is the act of going to church and praying etc. then my argument on the golfing is valid, however if we consider theism and atheism to be beliefs, that’s’ a different kettle of loaves and fishes. But what sort of belief is it? A deluded one like “The Spice Girls reuniting will save pop music”? If so, disagreeing with this opinion means one has an opinion on the same matter at least…. And the spicy middle-agers, it is at least agreed upon, exist. No, I need an example that’s either “it is” or “it isn’t”. Like the Easter Bunny, or the Flat Earth, or the Beast of Bodmin Moor. Actually, that’ll do: Old Testament fucking fruitloop first-time-author-in-need-of-an-editor God is after all, a rabid cougar red of eye and claw, with the burning this, smiting that, torturing eternally for the other… there’s a bit of Trading Places, a lot of Michael Bay, a hell of a lot of Freud and some really atrocious fashion advice all thrown in the mix of his lifestory, so comparing him to the prowling Yorkshire Chupacabra is fair. To me.
So if we use the Beast, and the initial atheism = religion tosh, we get “We are all cryptozoologists, just the number of Nessies and Sasquatches we believe in differ”. You’re a legendary monster- chaser because you believe in exactly zero monsters. Well fucking done. I do not like being defined by the group of lunatics I don’t associate with. I’m not an Atoothfairyist, I just don’t believe in canine-culling Tinkerbells fondling under my pillow while I masturbate. I mean, sleep. What’s next? Nor believing in atheism makes one an a-athiest? A few more rounds of that game and everyone will be a-a-a-stuttering. With good reason for the next arse-rape abortion telling me about my fucking faith is going to deal with violence WHILE I’M NAKED. If that won’t choke the words in their throat I don’t know what will…
The Point Is, I’m not accepting the title “atheist” any more. It seems to be something the god-fearing are latching onto as a term for a religion. I don’t see the need to have a label for what I AM, let alone for what I’m NOT. Praise be.