Tuesday, September 20, 2005

No alibi, but she does have a lawsuit

Josh writes:

Jack used to run a series called "The Horrible Mirror of Popular Culture" on his old November 9 site. This story probably would have made a good entry -- it's horrible, it involves popular culture, and you could easily get a mirror metaphor in there, given that it's all about personal appearance.

You can read it for yourself, but you won't, because you're lazy, pie-eating Intar Wub keyboard fondlers with the attention span of a coke-snorting marmoset, so here are the main points:

  1. Unattractive woman signs up to go on Extreme Makeover and get made over -- to the EXTREEEME!
  2. Studio flies her out to LA and sets about filming "before" footage.
  3. Woman is photographed in her underwear so they can point out all the bits that are wrong with her that they're going to fix.
  4. Woman's family are encouraged to go on about how ugly she is to the camera. Woman is sitting in the next room while they're filming this, and can hear everything they're saying.
  5. Studio gets back an estimate telling them how long the recovery time for her dental surgery will be. Answer: too long to fit their schedule.
  6. Woman told to fuck off back to Texas with no plastic surgey, only the memory of everyone she knows and loves bad-mouthing her looks for the cameras to keep her warm.
  7. Woman is not too happy about this.
  8. Woman's sister is even less happy about this. Rendered disconsolate by guilt over the hurtful things she said about her loved one (and copious drug use), she commits suicide.
  9. Woman sues fuck out of ABC. Case still pending -- who knows how it'll turn out.

That's kind of bleak, isn't it? How about I even things out by mentioning that in the wee hours of yesterday morning, someone found our site by searching for munchausen by proxy prolapsed rectum. Yes, that's much better.

No comments: