Sundries

Apathy Jack writes:

“You embarrassed me last night sir.”
“How?”
“When you told my mother I don’t lie. I do lie.”
“I know. But your Mum doesn’t need to know that.”

..

Student who I am hitting on the head with something: “I’ll report you to the Ministry of Education!”
Second Student “Doesn’t the Minister of Education hit students as well?”
Me “Oh yeah, he’s worse than I am. I mean, you could go to him, but he’d beat hell out of you.”

..

Me “Oi, careful with the stage – if you break any part of it we’ll sell your skin to raise money for a new one!”
Student “Yeah, well... Uh...”
Other Student “Nah, don’t even try it. He’s an English teacher; he’ll bum you out no matter what you say.”

..

“Sir, could you check my project before I hand it in to my teacher?”
“Sure, give it here.” Short pause. “What does ‘metastasise’ mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know. That’s how I know you just copied this from somewhere and didn’t write it yourself.”
“Maybe Miss won’t notice.”
“I noticed.”
“Yeah, but that’s you. Miss is dumb.”
“That may be as such, but if I pick up on the fact that you’re cheating in the first line, even Miss will figure it out eventually.”

..

“Fuck I’m ladylike!”