Monday, May 16, 2005

It's Like There's A Potty In My Mouth And Everyone's Invited!

Josh writes:

Looking back over the last few months, it seems like I swear more than the rest of my fellow contributors. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, mind, since I generally make sure my use of expletives is appropriate and constructive in all instances. Big fat cocks.

It's just a question of style -- Jellybean can be perfectly profane without having to indulge in Chaucerian vocabulary (a bit of potty-mouth isn't going to change the image of Garth George haemorrhaging to death with a Pekingese's urine in his arteries in either direction). Jack obviously has to curb his language in front of the children, and this shows in his writing (although I understand that after years of this he has developed the ability to make the vein on his forehead throb profanities in Morse code). Brother Morthos is a holy man (for a given value of "holy"). But me, I feel most of my prose benefits from the literary seasoning of a well-placed "fuck", "gobshite" or "cockmonkey".

I acknowledge that frequent swearing may not be to everyone's tastes -- look at the reaction when Salon's TV reviewer did a column in the style of Deadwood (favourite line: "Those that doubt me suck cock by choice!"), but damnit, I feel I'm performing an important service -- were it not for me, the person who was searching for shit stab fuck at 11:00 this morning would never have found his way to us. If my choice of register interferes with your work Internet filters, well, you'll just have to stop wasting company time and read blogs at home, you sponging layabout. But anyway.

In other news, I was wandering through Borders the other day, when who did I happen to come across but my favourite technopimp. "Oh," he says, "didn't expect to see you here -- I was just... waiting for Lumpy. Yeah, that's it. Oh, but look -- I have my PSP with me. Go on, touch it..."

So now I own a PSP. I was in a pessimistic frame of mind after I bought it -- the super cheap price that the import shop was advertising turned out to be for the device by itself, not the value pack with the memory card and handy accessories -- that was the same price as everywhere else. And I still wasn't sure about getting an import -- would it all be in Japanese? Would I need a funny adapter for the battery charger? However, as soon as I got it home and turned it on, all of that flowed away. It's just so pretty.

On my way out of Borders I passed Lumpy going in to "meet Dave". How convenient...

No comments: