Monday, September 11, 2006


Josh writes:

Tears of Joy

I'll just get right to the point: DOA is the best movie ever made in the history of movies. Hell, DOA is the best movie ever made in the history of time. Scantily-clad women, cool fight scenes, scantily-clad women in cool fight scenes -- what more is there in life? At no point does this film offer any pretence of subtlety, sophistication or depth; the plot serving as no more than an excuse for the women to become scantily clad and make with the punching and high kicking (those kicks... so high...)

It's a film that is what it is and it's proud, damn it. Go and see it -- it'll make you glad to be alive and a man. You're not a man? Then why the fuck did you read past the first paragraph? Back to our copy of Pride and Prejudice on DVD. I mean your -- your copy.

Ah... Mr. Darcy...

Tears of a Clown

Evangelists want fossil exhibits kept out of sight

'It's creating a big weapon against Christians that's killing our faith,' said Bishop Boniface Adoyo, who is leading the hide-the-bones campaign. 'When children go to museums they'll start believing we evolved from these apes.'

The obvious rebuttal being that, if all it takes is the mere existence of thse fossils to "kill your faith", there can't be much to to kill, can there? In a follow up story, Bishop Adoyo campaigns against the museum's display of the Solar System, on the grounds that it could lead Christians to believe that the Earth orbits the Sun...

Tears of Meat

I recently ate one of the new Cheddar Bacon Melt burgers from Wendy's, an experience that could be likened to lying under a car with your mouth open during an oil change, on the set of a bad porn film. I have never before in my life eaten a hamburger and wished it contained more salad.

The comparison with porn is especially apt -- what we have is an experience that would normally be pleasurable, being twisted into a cartoonishly exaggerated and stylized parody of the real thing, to the extent that any real possibility of satisfaction has been drained from it. Don't. Just don't.

Tears of Darcy

Ah... Mr. Darcy...

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