Apathy Jack writes:Mr Stupid and Hewligan. Some of you may even have heard the slanderously untrue rumours that I myself was in some way involved. This is, of course, a lie: I was only in that fetish club because I took a wrong turn on my way to deliver Bibles to orphans; I was only wearing a rubber gimp suit because I was heading off to a fancy dress party later; and I was only perfoming depraved sexual indignities on Mr Stupid and Hewligan because I had been assured there were no cameras in the room.
There were, though.
Now, the very misleading photographs, which could give people entirely the wrong idea about who I am and exactly where I like putting celery, have fallen into the hands of a particularly unscrupulous bastard by the name of Johnny the Red.
So it is with a mixture of fear, horror and shame that I announce my new position as one of three campaign managers for Mr The Red's Presidential candidacy in the 2008 American elections.
And remember our slogan "A vote for Johnny is a vote for Jack's grandmother not seeing pictures of him wearing a ball gag and being whipped by Hewligan"