Monday, December 19, 2005

Hands up mother fuckers…

RSJS writes:

So I want to meet you weird-arsed monkey fucks whose idea of fun is to wave cellular telephones displaying horribly-abbreviated text-speak at my good friend Jack. So I can slap you, you bizarre dead ends in the evolutionary bush.

The reason I presume a legion of people have been doing this is a comment from recent cell-phone user, Jack. Someone who admits to having never given his number to most of his dear sweet friends, like me. He says:

“Most of the people I know with cellphones spell the word “you” with one letter – and yet the predictive text program on my phone assumes that these illiterates are more likely to type the word “enzyme” than “down”?”

Now, Jacko has never received a text from me, and ignores what few he gets from his other friends, the very few who even know his number. So his exposure to these misspellings don’t come via his own telephone, and he is unable to label any of his normal circle of friends (numbering at least into double digits) as vicious you/u spellers given their inability to display their text-prowess at him. So it must be due to random rag-clad sweaty people, in numbers enough to make a clear majority in Jack’s life, flailing Nokias in his hairy face showing their inept thumb-driven “u”-spattered typing on their wee green screens presumably while yelling “Oi” or something equally engaging.

I cannot conceive of another explanation.


Apathy Jack said...

I said most of the people I know with cellphones do it.

Most of the people I know with cellphones are fifteen.

Because most of the people I know - numerically speaking - are fifteen.

RSJS said...

I blame the English teachers.

...not sure why you rummage through the messages on your students' phones, by the way. They leave the odd one under my bed when they make a run for the door, and most of their messages revolve around "Mr Tomas is teh sexyy LOL onetyone".

TomV said...

In our house, cunnilingus is referred to as puppy kicking....

Try entering pussy licking into a txt message and you'll see why. The response I got the day I txted the wench, "see you later tonight and I'll goive your puppy a good kicking" was deliciously bemused.