Friday, December 02, 2005

Currently Watching

Josh writes:

Still thinking about movies. The questions are the same ones that always crop up when I'm thinking about movies: What has Julia Roberts ever done that would justify her being the highest paid actress in Hollywood today? Why do people keep letting Uwe Boll make movies? Jesus Christ, what would have happened if he'd been given Resident Evil? It would have been about Navy Seals battling mutant squid on the moon. With car chases and bullet time.

A while ago now I said I couldn't rant -- just didn't get worked up enough about things. It turns out there's two reasons: Either I'm too apathetic to really get started, or I instantly go from 0 to 100 and my rant synapses just short out. The latter case generally applies to my contemplation of the above questions -- it just comes out "Gnggh! But! Pretty Woman -- fifteen fucking years ago! Moog! Gwaaaaa..." Hardly award-winning prose.

So no extended ranterpatin' from me. Instead, since I'm horribly lazy, the ultimate in blog filler -- movie reviews. Since I'm also mindful of your precious time and bandwidth, they will be Four Word Film Reviews. May contain spoilers.

The World's Fastest Indian - Anthony Hopkins pulls. Twice.

Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - "May Contain Nuts" -- a-haw!

Doom - Uwe didn't direct this?

Transporter 2 - Not nearly gay enough.

Serenity - Wash and Book die.

Navy Seals Battle Mutant Squid on the Moon - Doesn't exist, thank Christ.

1 comment:

llew said...

I can only surmise: Erin Brocavich.

but that hardly explains it does it?