The funniest thing you've read all day:
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
The best news you've heard all day:
Pies may get meatier
Also contains the reason why you won't be sleeping tonight or any other night:
Current regulations on both sides of the Tasman require a meat pie to contain at least 25 per cent meat. The formal definition of "meat" is wide enough to include any part of the animal carcass, or even a bird foetus.