Friday, December 24, 2004


RSJS writes:

Okay, naked Mexicans and the laws they break. What captured my imagination was the paragraph:

“Pulido said she was confident that citizens who catch a glimpse of offenders would report them to police -- though the law also threatens jail for peeping Toms.”

Now observing someone naked inside their home, and ensuring they are in fact down to their birthday suit (as in wearing nothing but blood and an umbilical cord) is a pretty decent invasion of privacy that requires some dedicated research unless they live in a glass house on the central reservation of a motorway. So basically anyone reporting this act of private lewdness would get cuffed for perving from the peyote bushes. Aha, you say, this makes the law an ass, no-one will report anything and no-one will get arrested at all.

But you are wrong. How wrong? Let me count the ways: One. But it’s a big one.

For this is not a law against getting nekkid behind closed doors. No, this is Mexican population control. When you read “Nekkid” you immediately imagined Salma Hayek all dewy and winsome striding around some hacienda showing off her trim snack crack with some filthy gringo in the cacti rummaging with his junk and saying “Aye, caramba”. And you ought to be ashamed. But I see filthy gringos watching other filthy gringos, all matted sweaty hair and tequila breath being ogled by sweatier sombrero-clad citizens with the junk-rummaging and so forth. This eyeballing leads to reporting leads to arresting leads to both parties, one sweaty and naked, the other with a raging erection of lust poking out from under his poncho, being thrown in a cell together. So the pervert gets his dream-boat object of affection all to himself, all tanned and lithe and without a scrap of decency to cover himself. Only natural that the bushbaby will pretty quickly tear the stalkee’s sphincter to shreds.

Okay, now say 95% of Mexican men will be revolted by the ram-raid on their rectums. Fair enough, a load of beaner semen in the colon isn’t for everyone on a balmy summer’s day. The other 5% might discover it’s what they’ve always wanted (The “Herr Starr” principle) and go on to lead a life of drag and cabaret. But the other 95% who can’t sit on the prison benches due to their prolapsed intestines: of them, maybe a few percent, say 2%, will kill themselves from shame. Hanging from the top bunk or some such. Another 8% will be struck impotent by the trauma, another 10% might be injured by rough reacharound antics, and a full 30% will be disowned by their staunch Catholic families and be driven into the street alike dogs, ending up living lives as hermits far from womenkind. Damned Catholics.

The point is, this double-whammy ruling to catch lascivious suburban striptease artists and tree-hugging homomosexuals will resort in taking half these nudists (and let’s face it, people who get naked often engage in “the sexing”) off the breeding market by rendering them gay, dead, infertile or pariahs. Thereby putting a sizable dent in the production of squalling infants in Mexico.

And why would the government want to limit population by locking up susceptible anal virgins in cages with wild cock-hungry monsters? Because of terrorism. Bear with me: Since the Yankee Doodle Dandies decided to see terrorists in their toilet bowls, illegal immigrants are no longer hunted for sport: they are hunted for patriotism. The Homeland Security Gestapo have cracked down on harmless wetbacks border-jumping and instead of Boss Hog types in aviators and tobacco-stained jodhpurs, these sneaky devils are up against soldiers with tactical nuclear weapons and a mission to eradicate anything that might threaten whatever the hell they’ve got left of their freedom. So Mexico can no longer export the unwanted populace north to the States to mow lawns and sell tacos, no: so they’re controlling the birth rate instead, via vicious sodomy.

In short, the public nudity law coupled with the peeping tom tort is designed to increase the amount of prison-rape in Mexican jails in an attempt to stop so damned many people breeding because America’s war on terror is now terrorising poor harmless refugees so if you ever get your arse ripped open in Tijuana, blame Osama Bin Laden. Thank you and good night.

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