Eric: Also Not Dead

Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling writes:

First things first. Jack, I popped round to your flat today to drop off some chocolate fudge for you as a "get well soon" after your haemmorhoids (was it?) operation, but alas you were not there.

Secondly, some news of our broken planet - this story was one I read in The Economist, and so requires a password to link to it, so I have copied some of it out below:

The trials and travails of Jacob Zuma
Apr 20th 2006
From The Economist print edition

THE first trial of Jacob Zuma, South Africa's former deputy president until he was sacked last June, is coming to an end. A 31-year-old HIV-positive woman accused him of raping her at his Johannesburg home, and a verdict on this charge is expected early next month. This is only the first hurdle he has to clear to be rehabilitated politically; he then faces another trial, for corruption, in July.…

...Mr Zuma's performance in court so far raises fundamental questions about his suitability for further political office, let alone the presidency. He has admitted having unprotected sex with his accuser - although he maintains it was consensual - in spite of knowing she was HIV-positive. Though he once headed the country's official anti-AIDS campaign, he also explained that he took a shower immediately after sex to "minimise" the risk of infection...

...The former deputy president, who testified in Zulu, maintains that his accuser seduced him, pointing out that she came to his house wearing a skirt. According to his Zulu culture, he claims, leaving a woman in a state of sexual arousal is unacceptable and he had to oblige. All this flies brazenly in the face of South Africa's carefully nurtured official policy on women's rights, reflected in the constitution and - officially - promoted assiduously by the ANC.

And finally, for all those who care, I am now the world's newest draughtsman (we design the timber framing that goes in the walls, roofs, and floors of your house. And it pays not bad at all thanks for asking.

All The News Of The Broken Planet

Apathy Jack writes:

Right, I'm consolodating: I ran Broken Planet News as a separate entity, but now I'm folding it into Brain Stab here.

So, the week's news:

..

Police Hunt for Chimps After Fatal Attack

..

The British home secretary has said he will not resign after it emerged 1,023 foreign prisoners, inclusing murderers and rapists, had been freed rather than deported.

..

Mans stepdaughter molested. Man campaigns for tougher sex crimes laws. Man uses syringe to inseminate stepdaugter with his semen because wife cannot concieve. Man convicted under tougher laws he helped pass.

..

From his cell, the 41-year-old Detroiter repeatedly explained to Livonia police that the man they were looking for was his identical twin, Carnelle. But from April to November 2002, he languished in jail, unable to make bond, until investigators finally believed him.

..

All bloggers are perverts. Exhibit A: "Regarding a potential motive," Purcell Police Chief David Tompkins said Saturday, "this appears to have been part of a plan to kidnap a person, rape them, torture them, kill them, cut off their head, drain the body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse then dispose of the organs and bones."

..

Man's bid for virgin bride enrages neighbors...

..

A nurse who injected patients with potentially fatal doses of drugs so he could "enjoy the excitement" of reviving them has been convicted.

..

I smoke P and I'm alright - even with the twelve nails in my head.

...


And finally, Romania has legalised witchcraft.

Josh: Not Dead

Josh writes:

Shit -- it's been more than two weeks since I put anything up here. Lucky for me Jack's been an invalid with plenty of spare time to sit on his electronic porch, waving his stick and yelling at you punk kids. Well, he calls it his stick.

Anyway, now that I'm an internet superstar thanks to Monkey Fluids, I've been devoting more time to it recently. By which I mean it provides a better source of soul-affirming fan mail for me to bask in front of. And by bask I mean... you don't want to know what I mean.

Throw in a move to a new flat and the removal of a dodgy-looking mole from my back, and I have all manner of unconvincing excuses as to why I've been such a slack bastard around here. Sorted.

I still don't have anything interesting to say, mind -- here, have a read about hyena genitals instead.

Bad Language

Apathy Jack writes:

Alright, I'm getting progressively more confused with censorship.

Being trapped on the couch for a fortnight, I've seen Pink's new video (the absolutely marvellous 'Stupid Girls') several dozen times on C4.

As I'm sure you know, there are a couple of arguably questionable lyrics in the song; firstly when Pink asks "will it fuck up my hair?"; then when she describes herself as a "pretty will-you-fuck-me girl, stupid I'm-so-lucky girl, pull-my-hair-I'll-suck-it girl".

None of these lines were edited out when the song first started being played - not even during pre-seven hours (both C4 and Juice often play unedited versions of videos after the kids have gone to bed).

However, after a week or so, they started blanking a word out.

That word was "suck".

There were still two fucks in there for all the kids to hear.

At first I thought that they may have edited it thusly because "suck" in this context is explicitly sexual, and sexual content is less acceptable than swearing (hell, even the Transformers movie had swearing in it, but you can't tell kids about storks donkey-punching birds and bees, or whatever the process is). For example; despite the fact that "fuck" denotes sex, "pull my hair I'll suck it" is more sexual than "fuck you".

However, "will-you-fuck-me" has a certain sexual overtone, if you care to look at it that way...

Anyhoo, I've just now seen the newly re-edited version, where they've edited "fuck" out of the song.

The first time its used.

Pink may be now asking "will it .... up my hair", but she's still the "pretty will-you-fuck-me girl".

I'm wondering if there's some method to this, or if they just haven't noticed...

Books You Should Be Reading # 10 Of A Bunch

Apathy Jack writes:

Shut The Door, by Amanda Marquit

He'd just wanted to have friends and partake in some slightly rebellious activities just for fun. I was stupid and I put the pressure on myself though. He'd smoked pot only a few times, and he had never experienced the supposedly euphoric dullness that seemed to intrigue his friends and be the focal point of countless social gatherings. Just the fucking paranoia all the time. Every time. But he'd felt guilty nonetheless, always under surveillance. Always returning home with an expression on his face that screamed, "I did it! I smoked a joint with three of my friends, and it was damned good. And I wanna do it again tomorrow." Even though less than half of that statement had been true.

Apathy Jack writes:

This is what Warren Ellis had to say about creative endeavor:

"Quit muttering and tell me where you think you are today, and what you think it looks like."

This is what blogging should be – people telling us what their world looks like that moment.

Keep in mind that this does not mean that an internet full of strangers is interested in reading your diary – we don't want to read a a blow-by-blow account of how you and Jonno and Shazza had such a good night in with Singstar and shooters and it was only really funny if you were there but I'll tell you all about it even though you weren't and here's a three page long record of my latest ICQ conversation with all of the unfunny bits and typos left in...

(As some of you know, I have a livejournal – I never update it because I don't do that many interesting things – if I recorded the few things of note that actually happen to me in the course of any given week, I wouldn't have anything to talk about with my friends come the weekend because they would have already read it all...)

I think more people should blog, but only if they have something to say. Look at your world, and tell me what is new and interesting in it. Maybe you're married with kids and a car and a cubicle, or maybe you spend your days thinking up excuses to stay on the dole as you shuttle between friends' couches. Maybe you're interested in science or cars or beer or any of those other things that I personally have no interest in. Well, make me interested. Tell me what is new in your world, tell me what it looks like out your window, and why I should be excited by it.

That's what this all should be.

Last Art

Apathy Jack writes:

lick
Originally uploaded by Brain Stab.

To finish, here is someone else I don't know - Katie West. She's been in a number of photos by herself and other people (featured here and here among other places). Her website is here.

Papalfluids

That Morthos Stare writes:

"You, sir, you are a limp-wristed nancy!"

Today I visited the Vatican; saw the Pope on his Popemobile (probably needed the extra height to spy fresh prey to feed off of) and saw the major sites of Roman Catholicism. The above image, available on many a postcard, though, really does sum it all up.

Apathy Jack writes:

Really, the problem with me getting surgery is that I have the attention span of a baby goldfish that's flushed its Ritalin wherever goldfish flush things, so two weeks of forced inactivity (as opposed to voluntary inactivity, which I've developed into an art form) was always going to drive me slightly stir crazy. The question wasn't so much “would it happen” but rather “how would I know?”

Today, I had a book open in one hand, and the tv remote in the other. This isn't uncommon, as I often read while surfing between Juice and C4. I was juggling the remote. Again, not uncommon, as I've never taken up smoking so my ADD attention span demands that I do a few things at once.

Then I realised that, rather than reading the book, I had been intently watching the spin of the remote for the last few minutes. I was focused just as intently on the control as I had been on the book, and I hadn't even really noticed the transition from one to the other.

This probably just goes to show something, but I'm not sure what...

Art By People I Don't Know

Apathy Jack writes:

mouse
Originally uploaded by Brain Stab.

When I was in Wellington I saw "We Are Family" - A truely disturbing bunch of superrealistic sculpture and photographs by Australian artist Patricia Piccinini, whose art can be seen here.